The latest good-looking pig
Lipstick and makeup have been applied to the latest pig loosed upon the American people by the White House.
"This is quite possibly the most attractive pig I have ever seen," said TV host Sean Hannity, while applying mascara to the pig's eyebrows. "Most Americans are lining up to kiss it."
The pig is the latest of hundreds released by the White House since 2001.
"I fully support the president's pretty pig plethora," said Sen. Joseph Lieberman (D-Conn.), while powdering the pig's jowls with blush.
Thousands of the pigs and their offspring are now roaming the countryside, attacking pets and small children.
"We will be holding investigations," said Sen. Arlen Spector (R-PA), applying nail polish to the pig's hooves, "To determine how to legalize the president's pig program."
Some herds are behaving as if organized, apparently following a pig known as "Napolean."
"I don't believe the polls that show only 34 percent of the American people support the president's pig plan," said radio host Rush Limbaugh, while applying lipstick to the pig's lips. "How could people not support it? I know I'm in hog heaven."
Communications with Arkansas were lost at 0700 EST.
"Critics of the the porcine effort are misinformed," said Vice President Dick Cheney, while picking out earrings for the pig. "Congress gave the president the authority to emit pigs at will."
Hog Chi Minh City is rumored to have nuclear capability.
"The president asks Americans to be patient," said White House spokesperson Scott McClellan. "You will see America improved by this administration when these pigs sprout wings and fly."
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