FAUX NEWS

 

Teacher gives F- for Iraq plan handed in three years late

Teacher:
F- is most unusual

Related stories

The world's first F- has been given, to a student at George Washington University who handed in an assignment three years late.

"Ordinarily, we don't give F-'s," said visiting teacher Minny McGonagall. "But I had to take something off for being so very late."

The name of the student has not been revealed. So, naturally, the whole school knows.

"The student was assigned to transform a quagmire into a garden with an exit path," McGonagall said. "The student seemed to think it was to write a two-page outline of how to sink further into the quagmire."

"I would have given partial credit just for an exit path," McGonagall said.

McGonagall read a section from the student's submission to reporters.

"To all who profit from this war," wrote the student, "I make you this pledge: America will not run on the faces of dead American soldiers so long as I am your commander-in-chef."

"This student," McGonagall said, "Clearly has difficulties with language and spelling. The latter, especially, is quite important in my class."

Members of the Slytherin Party responded quickly to the grade.

"The teacher's grading was deeply irresponsible," said Slytherin Party spokesperson Draco McClellan.

Mail to a friend

RSS feed

Recent stories

2016/05/04 Thing found under rock now presumptive GOP nominee
2016/05/03 Wicked Witch blocks vote on Judge Garland due to typo
2011/03/07 Governor Walker visits Farmer Brown
2006/10/31 Scary characters promised for Nov. 7 Halloween celebration
2006/10/13 Bush stubs toe; blames Clinton
2006/09/25 John McCain eats a bug
2006/09/18 Fighting fascism requires dictatorial powers, fervent nationalism
2006/09/10 Mickey Mouse resigns from Disney
2006/08/28 Pluto leaving Solar System entirely
2006/08/15 Liquids banned; snakes welcomed
2006/07/25 Embryos evacuated safely from Lebanon
2006/06/26 Microsoft to counter growing robot threat
2006/06/17 Alderaan survivors are enjoying homeworld's death, says author
2006/05/30 Mexican banditos may get amnesty for service in NSA
2006/04/24 Aquaman elected mayor of New Orleans
2006/04/17 Kunta Kinte advises caution on 'guest worker' program
2006/03/27 White House toilet clogged by U.S. Constitution
2006/03/13 White House defends spying on Frankenfurter mansion
2006/03/07 Yet another pig lipsticked
2006/02/28 ABC to air Lost retrospective retrospective
2006/02/20 Media unfair to Darth Vader
2006/02/10 Bush orders surveillance of black funerals
2006/02/06 Paris Hilton missing after cruise ship wedding to Scott Peterson
2006/01/30 Oprah summons the full power of the storm
2006/01/23 Plantation owners offended by Clinton's "plantation" remark
2006/01/16 G.O.P. sued for breach of Contract with America
2006/01/11 Nosferatu promises to keep an open mind
2006/01/09 God sues Pat Robertson for slander
2006/01/02 Bush expresses, hires Lowered Expectations

Faux-News Archives