G.O.P. eager to investigate leak
about CIA puppy grinding factories

Frist: Puppy grinding protects America

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Senate Majority Bill Frist (R-Tenn.) promised today to investigate this week's leak that the CIA runs a network of puppy-grinding factories in Eastern European countries.

"I'm very concerned about the leak," Frist said. "Not the puppy-grinding factories themselves, mind you ... just the leak."

He added that he was not concerned about what went on inside the factories' walls.

"The CIA is respecting the laws of the United States," Frist said. "That's why the secret puppy-grinding factories are in Eastern Europe."

House Speaker Dennis Hastert (R-Ill.) will assist in the investigation.

"We're both eager," Hastert said, "To focus on a CIA leak that was not orchestrated by the White House."

Bush addresses issue

President Bush responded to the leak yesterday.

"We do not grind puppies," Bush said.

The White House opposes a Senate bill that would ban puppy grinding.

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