Brilliant and effective,
the Nega-Bush has
quickly become popular
His popularity grew as suddenly as his beard.
It's been only three days since the president and others of his party began appearing in public with goatees that appeared to have grown overnight.
But in just those three days, everything has changed. Our troops are returning home safely. New Orleans is being re-built. Next year's budget will be balanced. And Barney the Dinosaur is finally behind bars.
"The president asks Americans to be patient," said goateed spokesperson Scott McClellan. "Even for us, it will take months to undo the damage of the last five years."
Although most people were confused by the sudden changes, a few knew immediately what had happened.
"Come on, it was obvious," said Dennis Hollinger of Springfield, Mass. "The goatees, the sudden change in behavior. It was just like episode 39 of the original series. Even a tribble could have figured it out."
Such observations might have been dismissed out of hand, had not the goateed miracle workers admitted it immediately.
"It's true," McClellan said, "We're from an alternate universe. At first, we intended to pass for our counterparts, and take over your world. But let's be honest ... your world's really not worth taking over right now."
"So we're going to fix it up ... and then take it over. Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha."
Scientists speculate that actual warp bubbles were formed from the alternate reality in which our Republicans seemed to live. Last week, those bubbles began popping. Many appear to have thrown their inhabitants into a negative universe, and sucked their counterparts into ours.
"It will be harder for our counterparts to blend into our universe," said Vice President Dick Cheney, outside the Halliburton trial. "In our universe, it's the Democrats who are the incompetent, irresponsible, self-serving assholes."
Not everyone is happy with the switch.
Scientists at Liberty University began working immediately to bring back the original Bush. They've been taken into custody to keep them from harming themselves with their Legos.
|2016/05/04||Thing found under rock now presumptive GOP nominee|
|2016/05/03||Wicked Witch blocks vote on Judge Garland due to typo||2011/03/07||Governor Walker visits Farmer Brown|
|2006/10/31||Scary characters promised for Nov. 7 Halloween celebration|
|2006/10/13||Bush stubs toe; blames Clinton|
|2006/09/25||John McCain eats a bug|
|2006/09/18||Fighting fascism requires dictatorial powers, fervent nationalism|
|2006/09/10||Mickey Mouse resigns from Disney|
|2006/08/28||Pluto leaving Solar System entirely|
|2006/08/15||Liquids banned; snakes welcomed|
|2006/07/25||Embryos evacuated safely from Lebanon|
|2006/06/26||Microsoft to counter growing robot threat|
|2006/06/17||Alderaan survivors are enjoying homeworld's death, says author|
|2006/05/30||Mexican banditos may get amnesty for service in NSA|
|2006/04/24||Aquaman elected mayor of New Orleans|
|2006/04/17||Kunta Kinte advises caution on 'guest worker' program|
|2006/03/27||White House toilet clogged by U.S. Constitution|
|2006/03/13||White House defends spying on Frankenfurter mansion|
|2006/03/07||Yet another pig lipsticked|
|2006/02/28||ABC to air Lost retrospective retrospective|
|2006/02/20||Media unfair to Darth Vader|
|2006/02/10||Bush orders surveillance of black funerals|
|2006/02/06||Paris Hilton missing after cruise ship wedding to Scott Peterson|
|2006/01/30||Oprah summons the full power of the storm|
|2006/01/23||Plantation owners offended by Clinton's "plantation" remark|
|2006/01/16||G.O.P. sued for breach of Contract with America|
|2006/01/11||Nosferatu promises to keep an open mind|
|2006/01/09||God sues Pat Robertson for slander|
|2006/01/02||Bush expresses, hires Lowered Expectations|