FAUX NEWS

 

Evil Nega-Bush not so bad

Brilliant and effective,
the Nega-Bush has
quickly become popular

His popularity grew as suddenly as his beard.

It's been only three days since the president and others of his party began appearing in public with goatees that appeared to have grown overnight.

But in just those three days, everything has changed. Our troops are returning home safely. New Orleans is being re-built. Next year's budget will be balanced. And Barney the Dinosaur is finally behind bars.

"The president asks Americans to be patient," said goateed spokesperson Scott McClellan. "Even for us, it will take months to undo the damage of the last five years."

Although most people were confused by the sudden changes, a few knew immediately what had happened.

"Come on, it was obvious," said Dennis Hollinger of Springfield, Mass. "The goatees, the sudden change in behavior. It was just like episode 39 of the original series. Even a tribble could have figured it out."

Such observations might have been dismissed out of hand, had not the goateed miracle workers admitted it immediately.

"It's true," McClellan said, "We're from an alternate universe. At first, we intended to pass for our counterparts, and take over your world. But let's be honest ... your world's really not worth taking over right now."

"So we're going to fix it up ... and then take it over. Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha."

Scientists speculate that actual warp bubbles were formed from the alternate reality in which our Republicans seemed to live. Last week, those bubbles began popping. Many appear to have thrown their inhabitants into a negative universe, and sucked their counterparts into ours.

"It will be harder for our counterparts to blend into our universe," said Vice President Dick Cheney, outside the Halliburton trial. "In our universe, it's the Democrats who are the incompetent, irresponsible, self-serving assholes."

Not everyone is happy with the switch.

Scientists at Liberty University began working immediately to bring back the original Bush. They've been taken into custody to keep them from harming themselves with their Legos.

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