FAUX NEWS

 

New sheep justice smiles with big, pointy teeth

On his first day as sheep justice, John Roberts is smiling.

Field observers are mystified by the long, pointy teeth revealed in the smile.

Sheep Justice John Roberts

Related stories

"Must be an orthodontic problem," said Shep. Patrick Leahy (D-Vt.). "Maybe that's why his 'baa-ah-ah-ah' is now starting with 'bwa'."

Roberts was nominated as sheep justice by Resident Weasel. Roberts' resume includes two years as a judge and 24 years as a lawyer for wolves.

During the confirmation proceedings, Shepherd Democrats grilled him mercilessly about positions he had written against the legality of sheep dogs.

"I was just representing my clients' interests," Roberts responded.

"That's good enough for me!" said Shep. Herb Kohl (D-Wis.). "Let's confirm him now, and head to the village."

Roberts was also asked whether he would vote to weaken the fence between sheep and wolf.

"I cannot comment," he responded, "On cases that might come before the court, like, say in the week after confirmation."

Resident Weasel will announce his next field court nomination sometime this week. One likely candidate is chicken-loving Muppet Alberto Gonzo the Great.

RSS feed

Recent stories

2016/05/04 Thing found under rock now presumptive GOP nominee
2016/05/03 Wicked Witch blocks vote on Judge Garland due to typo
2011/03/07 Governor Walker visits Farmer Brown
2006/10/31 Scary characters promised for Nov. 7 Halloween celebration
2006/10/13 Bush stubs toe; blames Clinton
2006/09/25 John McCain eats a bug
2006/09/18 Fighting fascism requires dictatorial powers, fervent nationalism
2006/09/10 Mickey Mouse resigns from Disney
2006/08/28 Pluto leaving Solar System entirely
2006/08/15 Liquids banned; snakes welcomed
2006/07/25 Embryos evacuated safely from Lebanon
2006/06/26 Microsoft to counter growing robot threat
2006/06/17 Alderaan survivors are enjoying homeworld's death, says author
2006/05/30 Mexican banditos may get amnesty for service in NSA
2006/04/24 Aquaman elected mayor of New Orleans
2006/04/17 Kunta Kinte advises caution on 'guest worker' program
2006/03/27 White House toilet clogged by U.S. Constitution
2006/03/13 White House defends spying on Frankenfurter mansion
2006/03/07 Yet another pig lipsticked
2006/02/28 ABC to air Lost retrospective retrospective
2006/02/20 Media unfair to Darth Vader
2006/02/10 Bush orders surveillance of black funerals
2006/02/06 Paris Hilton missing after cruise ship wedding to Scott Peterson
2006/01/30 Oprah summons the full power of the storm
2006/01/23 Plantation owners offended by Clinton's "plantation" remark
2006/01/16 G.O.P. sued for breach of Contract with America
2006/01/11 Nosferatu promises to keep an open mind
2006/01/09 God sues Pat Robertson for slander
2006/01/02 Bush expresses, hires Lowered Expectations

Faux-News Archives