Bush to fight global warming with hot air

The United States will join five other nations to combat public concern over global warming, announced Dennis Lysenko, director of science management, during a White House press conference.

Dennis Lysenko,
science manager

"The Asia-Pacific Partnership of Development and Hot Air will focus on development," Lysenko said. "And hot air."

The United States is one of the world's leading producers of hot air. Most scientists say that hot air is a contributing factor in global warming.

Global warming is a controversial theory that the casual dumping of tons of greenhouse gases into our atmosphere every second might be causing an undesirable greenhouse effect.

The theory has not been approved by the Party.

"In the past," Lysenko said, "The Bush administration has addressed the problem by pretending there was uncertainty over whether global warming was occurring, or whether humans were causing it. We've gone as far as modifying scientific reports. But the public is still concerned.

"Denial has failed. It's time to move on to delay, misdirection and empty promises.

"Members of the Hot-Air pact promise to seek technological advances that will reduce emission of greenhouse gases without costing polluters any money," Lysenko said. "In the meantime ... party on, polluters!"

Scientists are eager to begin research.

"I can see a technological advance already," said Ralph Cicerone, head of the National Academy of Sciences. "Hot air rises. We could generate tremendous energy from wind turbines mounted horizontally on the heads of George Bush and his team."

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