Senator Jefferson Smith (D-Minn.) has announced plans to walk for president in 2008.
Sen. Jefferson Smith
Demonization of Smith is scheduled to begin this Thursday.
Smith would be the fifth northern liberal senator to head the Democratic ticket since 1968.
"The fifth time's the charm," said Howard Dean, chair of the Democratic Party. "This time, we're going to walk all the way to the White House! Yeaarrrgggghhhhh!"
Republican Party spokesperson Jim Taylor is also excited about Smith's chances.
"Mr. Smith is a smart, honorable patriot," Taylor said. "He's moderate and a competent leader. He's dedicated his life to his country."
"Yeah," Taylor said, "Like they haven't tried that before."
Demonization of Smith will begin, Taylor said, with television ads from a group called Boy Rangers for Truth, painting Smith as a shrill, out-of-touch elitist.
Bark radio will begin dismantling Smith's Senate record Friday morning. Initial focus will be on Smith's 2002 vote against sending bandaids to our soldiers.
Smith voted against the 2002 omnibus spending bill S.314, which included increased funding for military bandaids on page 1536, immediately before an item which transferred funding from the Veterans Administration to faith-healing contractors.
Later, attention will be drawn to Smith's 2005 vote against the Fluffy Kitten Protection Act.
In two weeks, Penguin Publishing will release the book The Truth About Jefferson. Besides charging Smith with graft, murder, and even ... homosexuality, the speculative biography raises new questions about the Willet Creek real estate scandal.
Taylor emphasized that Smith has not yet been charged with any crime in connection with Willet Creek. "Smith should be considered innocent," Taylor said, "Until eventually proven guilty by the special persecutors."
Throughout it all, Smith will be referred to just by his first name, Jefferson, rather than his title, Sen. Smith. "It's just a little denigration we do," Taylor said.
"By the end of the month, Smith's name will be cursed by every weak-minded fool our obsessed Jefferson-haters can reach. Smith may be a decent, hard-working American -- but that's no match for a well-funded right-wing smear campaign."
"Mr. Smith," Taylor said, "Will not be going to Washington."
|2016/05/04||Thing found under rock now presumptive GOP nominee|
|2016/05/03||Wicked Witch blocks vote on Judge Garland due to typo||2011/03/07||Governor Walker visits Farmer Brown|
|2006/10/31||Scary characters promised for Nov. 7 Halloween celebration|
|2006/10/13||Bush stubs toe; blames Clinton|
|2006/09/25||John McCain eats a bug|
|2006/09/18||Fighting fascism requires dictatorial powers, fervent nationalism|
|2006/09/10||Mickey Mouse resigns from Disney|
|2006/08/28||Pluto leaving Solar System entirely|
|2006/08/15||Liquids banned; snakes welcomed|
|2006/07/25||Embryos evacuated safely from Lebanon|
|2006/06/26||Microsoft to counter growing robot threat|
|2006/06/17||Alderaan survivors are enjoying homeworld's death, says author|
|2006/05/30||Mexican banditos may get amnesty for service in NSA|
|2006/04/24||Aquaman elected mayor of New Orleans|
|2006/04/17||Kunta Kinte advises caution on 'guest worker' program|
|2006/03/27||White House toilet clogged by U.S. Constitution|
|2006/03/13||White House defends spying on Frankenfurter mansion|
|2006/03/07||Yet another pig lipsticked|
|2006/02/28||ABC to air Lost retrospective retrospective|
|2006/02/20||Media unfair to Darth Vader|
|2006/02/10||Bush orders surveillance of black funerals|
|2006/02/06||Paris Hilton missing after cruise ship wedding to Scott Peterson|
|2006/01/30||Oprah summons the full power of the storm|
|2006/01/23||Plantation owners offended by Clinton's "plantation" remark|
|2006/01/16||G.O.P. sued for breach of Contract with America|
|2006/01/11||Nosferatu promises to keep an open mind|
|2006/01/09||God sues Pat Robertson for slander|
|2006/01/02||Bush expresses, hires Lowered Expectations|