Jackson attorneys attempt Bush Defense

Attorneys for Michael Jackson are attempting to use the Bush Defense, a strategy of total denial.

Michael Jackson

Unfortunately for Jackson, the prosecutors are not spineless Democratic candidates -- and the jury has not seen any of the "Cancer Victims for Truth" ads.

"After you had plastic surgery ..." began lead prosecutor Ron Zonen.

"I haven't had plastic surgery," interrupted Jackson.

"O-o-o-kay, after you spontaneously became a mutant albino," Zonen continued, "Did you invite young, terminally ill children to your ranch?"

"No," Jackson replied. "I mean, yes."

"Did you encourage them to cavort naked in your bedroom?"


"And did you make these videotapes -- I direct the court to Exhibit 516.32 -- of the naked, terminally ill children having sexual relations with purple garden gnomes?"

"No," Jackson said. "Some of my staff may have strip-searched some of the children during interrogations, but those were just the acts of a few bad apples."

Zonen later asked Jackson, "Can you think of three mistakes you made as head of Neverland?"

Jackson seemed flustered. "Well," he finally responded, "I made some mistakes in some of my invitations."

Jackson is expected to be found innocent by reason of wealth in the criminal trial, and guilty by reason of race in the following civil trial.

RSS feed

Recent stories

2016/05/04 Thing found under rock now presumptive GOP nominee
2016/05/03 Wicked Witch blocks vote on Judge Garland due to typo
2011/03/07 Governor Walker visits Farmer Brown
2006/10/31 Scary characters promised for Nov. 7 Halloween celebration
2006/10/13 Bush stubs toe; blames Clinton
2006/09/25 John McCain eats a bug
2006/09/18 Fighting fascism requires dictatorial powers, fervent nationalism
2006/09/10 Mickey Mouse resigns from Disney
2006/08/28 Pluto leaving Solar System entirely
2006/08/15 Liquids banned; snakes welcomed
2006/07/25 Embryos evacuated safely from Lebanon
2006/06/26 Microsoft to counter growing robot threat
2006/06/17 Alderaan survivors are enjoying homeworld's death, says author
2006/05/30 Mexican banditos may get amnesty for service in NSA
2006/04/24 Aquaman elected mayor of New Orleans
2006/04/17 Kunta Kinte advises caution on 'guest worker' program
2006/03/27 White House toilet clogged by U.S. Constitution
2006/03/13 White House defends spying on Frankenfurter mansion
2006/03/07 Yet another pig lipsticked
2006/02/28 ABC to air Lost retrospective retrospective
2006/02/20 Media unfair to Darth Vader
2006/02/10 Bush orders surveillance of black funerals
2006/02/06 Paris Hilton missing after cruise ship wedding to Scott Peterson
2006/01/30 Oprah summons the full power of the storm
2006/01/23 Plantation owners offended by Clinton's "plantation" remark
2006/01/16 G.O.P. sued for breach of Contract with America
2006/01/11 Nosferatu promises to keep an open mind
2006/01/09 God sues Pat Robertson for slander
2006/01/02 Bush expresses, hires Lowered Expectations

Faux-News Archives