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Satan's confirmation likely despite "tough questions"

Satan

Satan is likely to be confirmed as attorney general despite the controversy over his role in forming torture policy for Hell, said Arlen Spector (R-PA), chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee.

Though Satan faced "tough questions" from committee Democrats Thursday, no one has the spine necessary to oppose a Bush-nominated obscenity, Spector said.

Satan garnered praise from committee members for his rags-to-riches story. "You took a hole in the ground," said committee member Patrick Leahy, "And turned it into a thriving enterprise."

"But," Leahy continued, "Questions remain about whether you authorized torture of the billions of residents of Hell. It would be an outrage for this body to confirm anyone who would stain the American flag with the filth of torture."

"Senator," Satan replied, "I am truly appalled by the excesses of my dark minions. Those were the acts of demons having fun, without official sanction."

"I love you, old buddy," complained Sen. Joe Biden, (D-DL), "But you're not being candid."

Satan replied with a burst of projectile vomiting in the senator's direction.

At the end of the hearing, Spector promised Satan his nomination would go before the full Senate.

"I know," Satan said. "So, how's the chairman's seat?"

"Feels good," Spector said. "How's my soul?"

"Well ..." Satan replied, "Not so much."

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