Canada deports Bush


Canada has sent U.S. President George Bush back to the United States.

"Good try," said Prime Minister Paul Martin. "But we don't want him either."

Bush was sent to Canada with a team of middle managers, hairdressers, and telephone sanitizers, with the mission of preparing the frigid land for U.S. immigration. Canada, eager to increase its population, accepted all but Bush.

"Even we have our standards," Martin said. "I know, I know, Celine Dion ... but we have to draw the line somewhere."

U.S. emigre Sunny Gartens, now living in Toronto, explained his own distaste for the American president. "Hey man, he's a draft dodger, and I respect that. There's a lot of us up here. But to dodge Vietnam yourself, then start Vietnam II for others to die in, that's way uncool, man."

Bush was flown aboard an Air Canada jet to Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport. A sympathetic skycap drove him back to the White House.

"He's back?" spat Vice President Dick Cheney, spewing wine onto a reporter. "Shit. Get that m*#$% camera out of my face. Condi, we need a new plan."

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