Bush picks Yosemite Sam for Attorney General

President Bush has named Yosemite Sam as the successor to outgoing Attorney General John Ashcroft.

Sam has distinguished himself in the legal department of Warner Brothers for many years, according to administration sources.

"No, no, no." said Warner Brothers legal representative Lindsey McDonald. "What we said was that he exposed himself in our legal department."

"This is an outrageous and irresponsible choice," said Senator Patrick Leahy, the ranking Democrat on the Judiciary Committee. "Sam is a law-breaker, not a law-enforcer. Plus, he's a cartoon character."

"First," replied White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan, "the President is dismayed by the senator's remarks about cartoon characters. Cartoon characters have played a significant role in our nation's history. Cartoon characters are a key constituency we hope to entice into voting for our anti-cartoon platform."

"Second, Yosemite Sam has years of experience working in law enforcement. In particular, he has worked long and hard to bring ornery critters to justice, particularly rabbits. Yosemite Sam is a fine choice for attorney general."

"Now, if the pick had been a pro-torture advocate of imprisoning people for years without trial, like Alberto Gonzales, now that would have been outrageous."

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