FAUX NEWS

 

Bush picks Yosemite Sam for Attorney General

President Bush has named Yosemite Sam as the successor to outgoing Attorney General John Ashcroft.

Sam has distinguished himself in the legal department of Warner Brothers for many years, according to administration sources.

"No, no, no." said Warner Brothers legal representative Lindsey McDonald. "What we said was that he exposed himself in our legal department."

"This is an outrageous and irresponsible choice," said Senator Patrick Leahy, the ranking Democrat on the Judiciary Committee. "Sam is a law-breaker, not a law-enforcer. Plus, he's a cartoon character."

"First," replied White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan, "the President is dismayed by the senator's remarks about cartoon characters. Cartoon characters have played a significant role in our nation's history. Cartoon characters are a key constituency we hope to entice into voting for our anti-cartoon platform."

"Second, Yosemite Sam has years of experience working in law enforcement. In particular, he has worked long and hard to bring ornery critters to justice, particularly rabbits. Yosemite Sam is a fine choice for attorney general."

"Now, if the pick had been a pro-torture advocate of imprisoning people for years without trial, like Alberto Gonzales, now that would have been outrageous."

Mail to a friend

RSS feed

Recent stories

2016/05/04 Thing found under rock now presumptive GOP nominee
2016/05/03 Wicked Witch blocks vote on Judge Garland due to typo
2011/03/07 Governor Walker visits Farmer Brown
2006/10/31 Scary characters promised for Nov. 7 Halloween celebration
2006/10/13 Bush stubs toe; blames Clinton
2006/09/25 John McCain eats a bug
2006/09/18 Fighting fascism requires dictatorial powers, fervent nationalism
2006/09/10 Mickey Mouse resigns from Disney
2006/08/28 Pluto leaving Solar System entirely
2006/08/15 Liquids banned; snakes welcomed
2006/07/25 Embryos evacuated safely from Lebanon
2006/06/26 Microsoft to counter growing robot threat
2006/06/17 Alderaan survivors are enjoying homeworld's death, says author
2006/05/30 Mexican banditos may get amnesty for service in NSA
2006/04/24 Aquaman elected mayor of New Orleans
2006/04/17 Kunta Kinte advises caution on 'guest worker' program
2006/03/27 White House toilet clogged by U.S. Constitution
2006/03/13 White House defends spying on Frankenfurter mansion
2006/03/07 Yet another pig lipsticked
2006/02/28 ABC to air Lost retrospective retrospective
2006/02/20 Media unfair to Darth Vader
2006/02/10 Bush orders surveillance of black funerals
2006/02/06 Paris Hilton missing after cruise ship wedding to Scott Peterson
2006/01/30 Oprah summons the full power of the storm
2006/01/23 Plantation owners offended by Clinton's "plantation" remark
2006/01/16 G.O.P. sued for breach of Contract with America
2006/01/11 Nosferatu promises to keep an open mind
2006/01/09 God sues Pat Robertson for slander
2006/01/02 Bush expresses, hires Lowered Expectations

Faux-News Archives