Americans elect Chihuahua as President

Chihuahua claims mandate

An ill-tempered Chihuahua was elected President by a small majority of American voters Tuesday.

Bushie, the Chihuahua, is very pleased, say his owners, Richard and Lynne Cheney.

"He's been barking up a storm," Ms. Cheney said. "And he hasn't made a mess since the election."

Mr. Cheney agreed.

"Ordinarily, he's a little shit," Mr. Cheney said. "If I put something important down, like, say, the Constitution, he'll take a dump on it. He acts like he's God's gift to the world. And then there's the flatulence."

Mr. Cheney allowed reporters to interview the Chihuahua-in-Chief, provided Mr. Cheney be present. Wearing a new red collar with a small box on the back, Bushie thanked his supporters. "And now," Bushie said, "I shall continue speaking while Mr. Cheney drinks a glass of water."

Neighbor Bob Dunford, however, was not so pleased.

"That stupid dog is always nipping at my heals," Dunford said. "Then he'll turn tail and run. Why couldn't they have picked a real dog, like an Irish Setter?"

Observers are still mystified how a Chihuahua won the Presidency.

"Clearly, American's preferred a nasty little Chihuahua," said Walden O'Dell, chief executive of Diebold Inc. "That's our story, and we're sticking to it."

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